25 More Facts About Lloyd

This may seem abominably egotistical of me, but on Facebook lots of people were doing this and challenging others to do the same, and one girl commented that my 25 facts made me seem somehow more attractive, so I post them here in the hope that she wasn't a one-off.

1. Beige.

2. I bought a computer printer to replace my old 24-dot matrix printer. Snag is, after a year of trying, I still haven't got the new one to work. I live in a flat in which the phrase "It doesn't work properly" can be applied to most of the contents.

3. I think I should buy the domain "ZenabBadawisWigwam.com" but I don't know what I'd do with it. I just think that the phrase "Zenab Badawi's Wigwam" speaks of mystery and delight, descriptive of a place of such cosy wonder, that lots of people might want to go there even in ignorance of the contents.

4. I have a flag. It is so far as I know the world's first to be constructed out of leather and corduroy, and may be the first to have pockets. It is more practical than typical flags, although if fluttering in a light breeze is your priority, then I would recommend rival designs.

5. I won the BBC Young Film Makers' Competition with my fourth film "Prax Warrior". See it now on YouTube.

6. I have never had a pornographic dream. I consider this to be most unfair.

7. I was at a party a few years ago and talked to a girl who is now "Amazon" in Gladiators.

8. I have a theory that explains (i) how sharks swim efficiently without sinking, (ii) Why they have flat undersides, and (iii) why they have asymmetrical tails. I may release it to the world soon.

9. I once nearly surf-boarded off a cliff.

10. I can play all the way through DOOM without losing a life. I'm hoping that this may one day prove to have been time well-spent.

11. I played Call of Duty 4 on-line with the name "a small girl". This meant that every time people shot me, they saw on their screens "You have killed a small girl". I found amusement in on-screen messages like "The headquarters were captured by a small girl" and "A friendly airstrike has been called in by a small girl."

12. Jonathan Cohen, the pianist in Cant's seminal Play Away, once trod on my foot in The Barbican Centre.

13. I think that the following notion is racist: saying that someone who looks like a golliwog looks like a golliwog is racist, but saying that someone who looks like a Barbie doll looks like a Barbie doll is not racist. Either they are both racist or neither is.

14. People I'd like to meet for their affability: Simon Pegg, Hugh Laurie, Derren Brown, Emma Freud, Sally Phillips.

15. Despite being British, I do not drink tea.

16. I was once cast in a production of The Sound of Music that went to the West End, but I didn't take the part.

17. I do not know for how long I can hold my breath, but it is well over three minutes. I think I once held it for 3 minutes 45 seconds, and then the 'phone rang...

18. I have saved myself a lot of time with the "Brazil test". I ask people if they have seen the film Brazil and if they say that they didn't like it, I don't bother getting to know them any further.

19. Having spent many contented childhood days on a dairy farm, I now quite like the smell of cow dung.

20. I tend not to alter the way I speak depending on my audience. I talk to drunks as though they were sober, foreigners as though they had an English vocabulary to match mine, and small children as though they were sane. By and large I find that people rise to the occasion.

21. I have never been religious. I never thought that the idea of Father Christmas was anything much more than an insult to my intelligence. Admittedly I did find hard pecuniary evidence for the existence of the Tooth Fairy, but I concluded long before losing all my milk teeth that it was suspicious that she only visited when I was asleep, and had access to a supply of modern coinage.

22. I expect no one to read this far. I didn't make this the last entry partly because it is slightly more interesting that I expect no one to read as far as this lower number, but also because some people skip to the last entry, which would ruin the point I was making.

23. I consider the phrase "that's the way it's done" to be the motto of the mediocre. If ever I hear this excuse-for-not-thinking spoken, I generally conclude that the speaker is hiding ignorance.

24. When I was in my teens I wanted very very (that's two verys, and I don't use multiple verys lightly) much to live for some while in iron/dark age conditions.

25. I ride bikes a lot because they are faster than walking and I don't have a car. I have no love for them. They break down all the time.


Click here to go back to the home page