THE BEARD PROJECT

In common I'm sure with many men, I sometimes fail to resist the temptation to shave my beard off in creative stages. While a principal motivating factor in my growing a beard is that shaving is a chore, I nonetheless consider that it may be worthwhile experimenting with various styles that one seldom sees in the streets of modern Britain. Perhaps one day I shall find an arrangement of facial hair that suits me perfectly. In the meantime, it is an excuse for a lark.

This first style is, I believe, called an "imperial". The beard is trimmed to a point, and the moustache is twirled extravagantly upwards. The cheeks are bare. Possibly I should have trimmed two patches just below each corner of my mouth for the full effect. The expression I am attempting here is supercilious and I leave you to judge whether I have succeeded. I once grew my hair very long, on a year I spent doing archaeological digs, and without any encouragement from me, it went into ringlets. With ringlets and this style of beard, I might get work as a Charles I impersonator.

Now this one is more like it. I have been trying for some years to find out what this style is called, and have drawn a blank. I wrote to the Handlebar Club, and the reply said that it was an imperial, but this is surely wrong. This is the style Sean Connery had in the great adventure film The Man Who Would Be King, and it is the one I wore (using false glued-on hair) for my play The Adventures of Stoke Mandeville, Astronaut and Gentleman. I therefore have decided to call it a Mandeville until (and perhaps after) I learn that it has another name.

This style is one that suggests magnificent heroism and stern virtue. That's the expression I am attempting on the left. It is also good for roaring, and perhaps shooting Zulus, which is the expression depicted on the right. I'm not sure I could hold either of these faces for long without laughing, however (except perhaps the latter when being attacked by Zulus).

If you would like to suggest a style I could have a go at next time I take my beard off, do let me know. I have tried just a moustache, but my moustache is mostly blond and it looks plain daft on me. My beard seldom gets very long, but even so, I would like to be able to assemble a good list of words to define beard length accurately. So far, in ascending order of length, I have:




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